No Travolta = The Win

Looks good. Not sure about the spinny chandelier thing but, hey, I'm not going to argue with The Punisher.

Boo!

Stan Winston is dead.

Stephen!

Guns + Cars = Hella Fun!

Wow, Russain trailers are reaaaally violent.

Guh?

Review of Indy 4 to follow shortly, but I found this.

Indiana Jones finds the crashed Millennium Falcon in which is the remains of Han Solo?

Guh?

The next big thing?

J J Abrams's new TV show, Fringe, will debut later in the year with a pilot episode costing $10 million.

$10 million? For a pilot?!

Now THAT'S a videogame

That's all kinds of crazy.

Hmmm.

Not convinced.

Backwards Jump

I love Driver. I loved editing replays in the Director's Mode.

Expect more of these.

Another Further Reason Why I Want a PS3

Giant robots fighting.

That'll do me.

They snuck that one out.

The teaser for The Spirit film has been released.

Might not be on your radar, but considering it's written and directed by Frank "300, Sin City" Miller is probably should be.

Film review: Iron Man

Iron Man @ IMDB

I love comics. I love movies. Therefore, I love comic book movies.

So if we go from Blade (taking that as the beginning of the renaissance of the comic book movie genre) it would have to go 30 Days of Night, X-Men 2, Sin City, Batman Begins and Spider-Man 2 in ascending order. Where does Iron Man fit in?

So, weapons manufacturer x war zone + sharpnel in heart = painful dose of reality.

Alright, that's too simple. Robert Downey Jr is Tony Stark of Stark Industries, the weapon manufacturer for the US military livin' the high life. Until, when showing off his weapons in Afghanistan, he gets attacked by terrorists using his own weapons leaving him with his heart powered by a car battery. One big pile of spare parts later, we get Iron Man.

First off performances: Robert Downey Jr is the best casting in a comic book film since Hugh Jackman as Wolverine. He fills Tony Stark and holds the film together. The character could easily have come off as smug but Downey Jr adds a streak of humor that keeps everything going. Gweneth Paltrow as the love interest does her best with an underwritten role, the scenery is only there so Jeff Bridges can chew on it so well.

But that's not what we're here for. We're here for a man in a robot suit beating the crap out of stuff. And in that respect, the film does not fail. Remember Transformers? The best special effects ever?

Beaten. The film looks so real, all the lines are blurred, it's faultless. It's amazing.

So it works. The story is great, the scenes when Stark is refining the armor are great, the dialogue is great. It's great!

Does it beat Spider-Man 2 as the best comic book film ever?

In a word? Yes.

A Further Reason To Purchase a PS3

Suddenly Batman Forever seems a looong time ago.

So a picture of Two-Face from the upcoming Batman Begins sequel has leaked onto the web:



Yeesh. That Joker picture looks like Sunshine and Rainbows compare to that.

Full trailer is now up online as well. Still looking awesome.

Things I Should Have Blogged About if I Didn't Watch TV

1) The viral marketing that Marvel did for their Secret Invasion crossover.

2) The complete lack of any decent film release at the cinema.

3) The release of GTA IV and the lack of it in my house.

4) The new Hulk trailer.

5) How awesome The Doyouinverts are.

I'm not sure if this is meant to be a joke

That's either genius or really stupid.

Hello

Blog has been a bit sparse over the last couple of weeks because I've been driving my ass off getting ready for my next driving test.

Which I failed.

For the third time.

So, one one hand I still can't (legally) drive but I will be blogging more.

Great.

His films aren't that great, but he gives good advert

Awesome.

Me likey special boxes

Look at that: Cloverfield DVD in a special box. Oh, we like that. We like that a lot.

Until we read the release date. June? JUNE?

Just has a though: Father's Day. Time to drop some hints.

Those crazy guys!

Knowledge is power. FOR REAL.

Heard of this one?

Directed by Ben Stiller? Co-written by Ethan Cohen?

Sign me up!

(This, by the way, is the film Owen Wilson should have been in but wasn't due all that trying to kill himself business. Nevermind eh?)

Film Review: Diary of The Dead

Diary of The Dead @ IMDB

So, zombies are cool again. What to do next? Let's, oh, I don't know, get the Granddaddy of Zombie films to make another one.

George A Romero (or glass face if you've seen any recent pictures of him) made Night of The Living Dead for virtually no money, massive success, heralded the extreme horror films of the seventies, birthed an entire sub-genre, made some more zombie films, dropped off the radar a bit. In case you didn't know.

So what do we have here? A re-imagining of Night of The Living Dead, set in contemporary times. Only instead of a farm house in the middle of nowhere it's a group of student film-makers trying to get home. All this is seen from the students perspective as they film their journey.

So far, so Cloverfield. But the difference here is we're watching an actual finished documentary by one of the students. So you get voice-over and music and editing. When this is explained at the beginning, I groaned a bit. Inserting the music seems forced and a bit silly. It helps when about half way through the student filming the action sits down and edits a sequence you saw a few minutes previously. Very web 2.0.

And that's the main thrust of the film, a commentary of todays citizen journalism, weblogs (hello), YouTube, all of that. Social commentary has always been a staple of Romero's film but whilst it does sometimes seems forced and a bit trite at least it's trying to say something. This immediately lifts it above the normal torture porn fare you get these days.

But, nevermind all that high brow nonsense, bring on the zombies! And Romero does and they fuck people up and people fuck them up in various imaginative ways.

Problems: the students are a bit vague and not that interesting. The film feels like it's never building to a climax. The best character in the film is introduced and killed off in five minutes.

But it's good and solid and scary and bleak as anything. Very bleak. The last scene? Bleak.

In a word? Bleak.

Draaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiinaaaaaage!

Looks pretty Incredible to me

Hulk trailer now online and it looks pretty cool.

My main bug bear with the Ang Lee Hulk was the hoops it tried to jump through to explain away the Hulk, rather than just saying "Look, it was gamma radiation. Okay?". It seems to be taking a lot of inspiration from the Ultimate version of the Hulk, which can only be a good thing.

Looks like with this and Iron Man it's going to be a Marvel-ous summer of films.

What?

Isn't one of them a lady man now?

I am quite looking forward to this. Yes, the last two Matrix films (as we all know) sucked all kinds of ways but this looks interesting. It looks like the Wachowski's aren't under the pressure the two sequels must have put them under and are just making a film they want to make. It looks mental and John Goodman has the 'tache of the Gods. Worth the entrance fee alone.

About time too.

Looking forward to it.

But am I the only one that likes the old Ang Lee Hulk film? It wasn't amazing but it was still pretty good!

Film review: There Will Be Blood

There Will Be Blood @ IMDB

A film about the American obsession with oil, eh? How politically relevant. But let's forget the politics and look at the film.

What we have is the story of a silver miner who becomes an Oil Man, a man who controls oil fields across America and what he does along the way.

Good Lord. There are Movies and there are Films and then there is Cinema. This is Cinema, capital C. It looks astounding. There are scenes from this film that will be played forever.

Daniel Day-Lewis is, surprise surprise, astounding. He's a force of nature at the centre of the film. The real surprise is that everyone else is just as good. Day-Lewis' nemesis in the film, a young Preacher, goes to to toe with him and it makes for some riveting scenes.

It really is hard to put into words how great this film is but also how different it is. It feels like it has no structure, at least not the usual three act structure. It just is. Things happen. People say things.

There's nothing like it.

The only thing that disappointed me was the lack of a gratuitous Luiz Guzman cameo.

In a word? Astounding.

Film review: Rambo

Rambo @ IMDB

I was born in 1980. I was raised on cheesy action films. Commando is a work of art. My video shelf was adorned with Schwarzenegger and Willis and blood and cops who got the job done nevermind the rules. I remember the days when mainstream American cinema all looked to inspiration from Lethal Weapon.

But times have changed. The bloodthirsty heroes from my past are gone, just look at Die Hard 4.0. John McClane was neutered, not a swear word passed his lips and barely a brutal death scene was seen.

When things are this desperate, you need someone special. Someone built for war. A weapon.

You need Rambo.

Let's get this out of the way: being honest, the film isn't great. Sketched characters, flimsy plot, villain wasn't great. But I haven't seen a film like this in my life.

A bold statement perhaps. The immediate comparison is the beginning of Saving Private Ryan. We're talking heads flying off, guts spilled out, arms lopped off violence. Nothing is as violent as this film. Nothing.

Let's go back to Commando. Remember the end? When Arnie stood there and mowed down a South American army with one gun? And remember the soldiers would kind of stand there and shake and fall down?

This film is that sequence but done properly. I have not experienced anything as visceral and astoundingly insanely violent as this film.

Plot? Who cares? It's all an excuse for people to be lined up in front and Rambo to get brutally murdered. Stallone is great, a hulking presence, a foreboding presence. You see him and you just know people are going to get fucked up.

And they do.

In a word? Glorious.

Film review: Juno

Before we begin, learned colleagues, an apology for the backlog. Several film reviews will now come flying at you like Cleopatra. Sorry for the delay.

Juno @ IMDB

Okay. The main thing to wrap your head around is this:

This is a film about teenage pregnancy that was a smash hit in America.

Several things there don't make sense. The issues touched upon in this film usually gets people out with their placards and wearing their protest trousers.

But no. This was a genuine smash hit that ended up being (when I saw it) Oscar nominated. Why is this?

Great script. Plain and simple.

You've got your lady teenager and your boy teenager and they get it on and she gets pregnant and then she finds a couple to adopt her baby and off you go.

Simple idea, great characters, great dialogue, good performances. Simple as that. You could break it down and everything but there's no need: it's a great film. Highlights:

1) Ellen Page. The film hinges on her performance, an annoying person here would bring everything down. But she isn't and she doesn't.

2) J K Simmons, tired of stealing Spider-Man films, moves to the indy circuit.

3) Great soundtrack.

It deserves all of it's plaudits. Well done all round.

In a word? Great.

Never mind The Game Plan, this is what he does best

New Iron Man trailer

Iron Man Exclusive Trailer HD

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OH.

MY.

GOD.

Looks surprisingly awesome

Free? I'm there.

Torn, yet again

So they're making another Terminator film.

Boo.

But it's going to star Christian Bale.

Yay!

But it will be directed by McG.

Boo!

Two boos, one yay. There's your answer.

Now THIS is the 21st Century

Still looking good

Cloverzombies?

Easy joke. Looks good.

One for the circus fans out there.

Famous at last.

Well, kinda.

Ha!

See? I am always right.

Does anybody have a coin?

So, quite fancy going to the cinema this weekend and quite fancy watching There Will Be Blood, the Oscar and Bafta nominated Paul Thomas Anderson film which has been hailed as a masterpiece. However, Sylvester Stallone was on the Jonathan Ross chat show in Friday with his new Rambo film and in that, apparently, someone gets brutally killed every 30 seconds.

So now I'm torn. Highbrow work of art or Stallone kill fest?

Tricky.

Nobody tells me anything!

Roy Scheider is dead!

Goddamnit!

Now THAT'S interesting

I haven't tingled like that at a trailer since the Star Wars Episode I teaser.

Looks interesting

Liam Neeson c'est tres pissed off.

Film review: Cloverfield

Cloverfield @ IMDB

The review begins with a tinge of sadness as my Grandfather died a few days ago. He (and my Grandmother who died over ten years ago) had a profound effect on my life, in that they watched a Hell of a lot of films. And I mean a lot. I watched a lot of them with them, age certificates be damned*. But one particular brand of movies I remember being introduced to thanks to them is the Godzilla films.

Let's get this clear: I love Godzilla films. I can watch them all day. I cannot get into words my profound disappointment at the US Godzilla film, despite the teaser trailer being the greatest moment of my 15 year old life when I saw it.

So, we come to Cloverfield. As we all gathered from my previous excitement, I was looking forward to this film. No. I had been waiting for this film since that stupid T-Rex lookalike missed stomping on Matthew Broderick's smug face. It's rubbishness was proved years later when the real Godzilla wiped the floor with him. I still had my copy of Godzilla vs Megalon and continued to wait and hope.

A set up to further disappointment, you must be thinking. No film could withstand such a burden of expectation set upon it's shoulders.

You'd think so, wouldn't you? But you'd be wrong.

It is as follows: New York Rich People + Giant Monster x Army = The Best Film I Will See This Year. Simple as that.

The conceit of the film is that, Blair Witch style, it is the discovered camera footage of a small band of people who were running around New York as it gets leveled by something big and angry and even more angry. It speaks to our current news culture, the jittery footage grabbed by the bystander. The subway scene in particular brought back memories of the mobile phone pictures of the 7/7 attacks in London.

Yeah, fair enough, 9/11 is the obvious visual comparison as a) it's in New York and b) buildings fall over. One rather scathing review I saw on TV described the film as "9/11 porn" which is somewhat harsh. But you can't say it isn't there because it uses the same visual grammar of that day, only with a giant monster.

Ah yes. A giant monster. Do you see him? Oh yes. And watching it being attacked by soldiers and tanks and fighting them off is one of the most impressive things I've seen on a cinema screen.

So the monster is good. The humans? Good as well. You get enough of them in the beginning to actually care for them and that was good enough for me.

My only complaint is in the style of it. Now, that's not to say that I hated it because I didn't. The handheld style is amazing and allows for some truly terrifying moments. But it also gave me real bad motion sickness. I mean real bad. But I wouldn't have the film any other way.

In conclusion. I loved it. It has a great ending, cracks along at a great pace and it's not too long either. The only way it could have been better would have been if the Big G himself had been the monster. And he would have been proud to have put his name on this film.

But the only question is this: I saw the first trailer when I saw Transformers which was at least 6 months ago. So was the film worth the wait?

In a word? Yes.




* One of the most horrendously embarrassing moments of my life was due to this: we sat one night to watch Once Upon a Time In America. I must have been around 10. Something like that. Great film: De Niro, Sergio Leone, superb.

Then we get to the most prolonged rape scene ever. With me sat there, next to my grand parents.

That there answers a lot a questions.

Film review: No Country For Old Men

No Country For Old Men @ IMDB

Right, let's get this clear: This is not a Lebowski, a Ladykillers, an O Brother or a Fink. This is The Coen Brothers, but this is the Coens with their sleeves rolled up, their fags stamped out and with a job to be done.

A Texan out hunting stumbles across the leftovers of a botched drug deal: dead Mexicans, a lot bullet shells on the floor and a bag containing £2 million dollars. He makes one mistake and then has to go on the run, a sociopathic criminal one step behind who wants the money.

And that's basically it. Toss in Tommy Lee Jones as a sheriff trying to make sense of the madness and you've got your movie.

But what a movie. The main two characters, Josh Brolin as the chasee and Javier Bardem as the chaser, dominate the screen without actually saying that much. Both men and are set on their path and nothing can stop them but each other.

Bardem (and his freaky, freaky hair) is getting all the press and deservedly so. He is an amazing presence, a force of nature, his every action full of threat. But Brolin more than holds his own, he becomes almost a reflection of Bardem.

Standouts: the scene at the hotel on the Mexican border. Woody Harrelson in a great cameo. The noise that the silenced shotgun makes. Damn near the whole film.

Apart from the end.

Now, the film is not a plot heavy thriller that needs to be wrapped up in a nice little package. But the last five minutes? Kind of gets lost. It's not clear what it's trying to say then BAM credits and the lights go up. It's not a deal breaker, it's not something that's going to wreck the film but it's a "Huh, that's it?" moment.

Doesn't stop the film being amazing thought.

In a word? Irresistible.

Film review: Charlie Wilson's War

Charlie Wilson's War @ IMDB

Hands up who knew that in Rambo III, Rambo was fighting on the side that would become al-Qaeda? I only mention this because Rambo III was probably the last time the Russian/Afghan war was last seen in a US film.

Until Tom Hanks decided otherwise, that is.

The short version: at the height of the Cold War The Red Army invaded Afghanistan, a long and bloody conflict followed. The US helped to finance the rag-tag Afghan rebels who eventually stalemated the once invincible Soviet war machine. The Russians eventually pulled out and this conflict precipitated the collapse of the Soviet Union and the end of the cold war. Find the full version here.

That's all well and good, I hear you say. But what has this got to do with the Hankminator?

Well. The decision to finance the rebels in their conflict is said to have rested with one man, the eponymous Charlie Wilson. Played, naturally, by Tom Hanks.

But this isn't the usual Hanks role. While Wilson was a US Senator who funelled billions of dollars into the conflict, he was also a party man. The film starts with Wilson in a hot tub surrounded by strippers. And Hanks pulls it off, his easy going charm slipping into Wilson like a used glove but given a bit of extra bite.

It wasn't all Wilson's doing, however. Enter Julia Roberts as a wealthy Texan lady who pushes Wilson into intervening in the conflict. Also enter Philip Seymour Hoffman stealing yet another film out from under the main everyone's noses.

Their three performances hold the film together and all of them are flawless.

The film, however, isn't. It's a film of it's times in that it's the US vs The Bad Guys (Russia) and anyone who helps them is good no questions asked. There is very little gray in this film. And this is a story that needs it because this story ends with a plane being flown into a building.

9/11 is the elephant in the room that no one acknowledges, apart from a final denouement that overly relies on the viewer knowing about the fallout of the War. Hoffman comes out with some zen story about how stories never really end, that they roll on and on. But that's not enough.

You could go on like this and tear the film to shreds but I don't feel like it. Because I liked the performances and it was an interesting look at an interesting time.

In a word? Empty.

Heh. Songs are funny.

Pete Green – I haven't got a Myspace because Myspace fucking sucks

2007 Round Up

Another topical post.

BEST FILM I SAW IN 2007

Tricky. My gut reaction is either Sunshine or 30 Days of Night.

BEST TV SHOW I WATCHED IN 2007

The future episode of Heroes. Awesome.

BEST COMIC I READ IN 2007

Again, tricky. The last issue of Ultimates 2 with the 8 page spread. The beginning and last issues of The Sinestro Corps War was as good as Star Wars.

BEST BOOK I READ IN 2007

To be honest, there haven't been many new books I've read this year, mainly been re-reading those already in my collection. So, by that definition the best book I own is Run so that by default is the best book I read in 2007.

BEST SONG I LISTENED TO IN 2007

Drama Queen by The Switches or the theme from Hot Fuzz

BEST VIDEO GAME I PLAYED IN 2007

Gitarro Man Lives for the PSP.

And me without an umbrella. Of course.

At least the toilets are still flushing.

Fashion Tip #1

So, there's going to be a new Hulk film next year starring Ed Norton* and on the website website they've released the first images, one of which is Mr Norton in a vest starring and what we can only assume is somekind of Hulk potion.

I only mention this because one of the first images released for the upcoming Iron Man film was of Robert Downey Jr in a vest building an Iron Man suit.

What is it with the vest thing? Why are both main characters in vests? Are vests next years hot clothing item?




* Is it Ed or Edward? He was definetly Ed Norton when he was in Fight Club but I'm sure I've seen him credited as "Edward" as well in posh films.

The Duchess is back!

The Phil Doyle Laptop Machine: Zero Defects.

Film review: I Am Legend

I Am Legend @ IMDB

To go off on a tangent almost immediately, the closest film to compare this to is Cast Away: big giant movie star appears in a film where it's just them on screen the majority of the time. Will Smith is the new Tom Hanks? Possibly.

Back to the film, what we have here is basically Fresh Prince of The Living Dead or, as some have somewhat unfairly put it, 28 Days Lamer.

That is the obvious comparison: Wiky-wiky-wild-wild-Will is Robert Neville, the last man alive in New York and possibly the world. He is searching for the cure for a plague that has wiped out 90% of mankind, a few were immune but the rest? I'm definitely sensing zombies.

But here lies the problem: they're full CG. They jump around all over the place and basically are so over the top they aren't scary. Remember The Mummy Returns? With the mummies that chased the double decker bus? That's what they're like.

The scariest bit of business with them is when Big Willy goes into a building full of them and you see a group huddling together. THAT was freaky. A big group of computer effects jumping over cars? Nope.

The problem is that I've read the book and in the book they're vampires but still essentially human. And that makes them scary because we can see ourselves in them. Not so with the Infected in this film, they may well have been aliens or something.

It goes without saying that the original book was better but it's not all bad. Will Smith holds his own as the only screen presence for most of the film. The world he lives in is intriguing but the pseudo science around it could be left behind and the story just left to focus on the characters will to survive.

And, to it's credit, it does pull an ending that you wouldn't expect for a Will Smith film. It's not quite as depressing as the end of the Dawn of The Dead remake but it's not far off. I enjoyed it.

Now, to finish the review. As it's a new year, and I'm running out of weapons, I'm changing the wrap up. Reviews will now finish as follows:

In a word? Ordinary.

Best three string guitar since The Presidents of The United States of America did Mach 5

Finally!

Warner Brother is now soley supporting Blu-Ray which should be the final nail in the HD-DVD coffin. From a UK perspective all the HD sections have a much greater proportion of blue boxes rather than that slightly depressing burgundy that HD-DVDs come in.

This is also fairly significant since every domestic format Sony has launched died on it's arse. Examples being Betamax, MiniDisc and UMD.

Now there is no reason for me not own a PS3...when they get a bit cheaper.

I still likey Iron Man

Okay, that isn't the movie Iron Man, it's an "advervideo" from a new Marvel website called Marvel Kids promoting the Marvel Adventures line which is basically the core Marvel concepts only without the decades of continuity.

Advervideos. Hmm.

My new favourite website.

One day, one of these will be mine.

*sigh*

The screen on my laptop broke. The screen went dark but I could still make out stuff on the screen so I'm guessing that the backlight broke.

Now I have to use the old laptop again. Everything looks small and the screen isn't as nice and the keys are different and I can't burn DVDs or anything.

Sucks.

The warranty should cover it but first I've got to get Sony to pick the damn thing up.

I'm guessing this could be the first of a series of posts.

And I failed my driving test.

*sigh*

Still REALLY excited!

Eeeeee!

Me likey Iron Man! Me likey Iron Man!

Iron Man looks cool. Not as cool as the hi-res movie trailer but still pretty cool.

Goddamn those Ninja Yakuzas!

Yeah, there is no way that is getting a UK cinema release. How the Hell do they get away with that stuff?

Now my blog is cool!

Good meeting!

Those Wii jokes aren't so funny any more, are they?

You know things are going well when you don't even have to advertise your product for it to sell really well.

You know, I remember having a GameCube and watching it die a painful death whilst everyone else ignored it. One silly name and new control scheme later and they've conquered the world.

Again.

Looks like the internet is going to break again.

The new Grand Theft Auto IV trailer is up, so the internet will no doubt slow to a crawl.

Thoughts? It's undeniable that the game looks great. But my concern is how the thing is going to control. That's going to be the biggest thing. It can look as great as any Hollywood summer blockbuster but if it still controls like a dog whenever you try to shoot something then what's the point of all the fancy next-gen hi-def razzamatazz?

I'm going to hold off my final opinion until I see actual gameplay footage. That or play it. That'd be nice.

Jail time occurs in real time

They won't be able to hold him. I give it a week before he escapes in a hail of gunfire.

Film Review: America Gangster

American Gangster @ IMDB

Last time we did the equation Russel Crowe + Ridley Scott (ignoring A Good Year for obvious reasons) we had the cinematic juggernaut that was Gladiator. Unleash Hell and all that.

So what do we get this time? We get Russel Crowe as an incorruptible New York cop tasked with bringing down major drug lords. A pure brand of heroin is flooding the streets and no one knows where it's coming from. But wait, who's this in a very expensive looking chinchilla fur coat? Why, it's academy award winning actor Denzel Washington!

The easiest comparison: Heat, in that you have two heavyweight actors that don't actually share a scene until the end. Other nods and hats tipped to include The French Connection and Goodfellas. Illustrious company, that goes without saying. Can the film stand amongst them?

Yeah. It's not quite the masterpiece it wants to be but you can't fault it. Both leads are great, the look of the film is superb, the plot engrossing. This is Russel Crowe from The Insider rather than Cinderella Man, which can only be a good thing. Denzel is Denzel.

My only concern: it hasn't quite got the iconic scene that the other films have: the bank robbery from Heat, the car chase from French Connection, pretty much any scene you fancy from Goodfellas. Don't get me wrong, the film is great but you just wanted that one great scene to push it over the top. Whether or not this means that the film will stand the test of time is a question that will have to wait for a while.

It's also a long film so pack a cushion.

So, great film, no complaints. My only problem was that my free cinema card didn't work so I had to pay. That sucked.

The film gets a pair of knuckle dusters, the ideal thing to beat lowlifes with to prove who is in charge.

Jackie Chan + Comics = Awesome

Seriously! Why?

Okay, fine, THIS is the most disgusting thing ever.

I just don't understand. Did I miss a meeting? When did we decide vomit was sexy?

I had to wipe the sick out of my keyboard

The most disgusting thing ever.

I apologise in advance. If you can make it to the end you're a stronger person than I am. Or you just enjoy the sight of two women, a cup full of pooh and vomit.

Oh god, now I have to go be sick again.

Film review: Beowulf

Beowulf @ IMDB

So, a while ago I watched The Polar Express for the first time. Scariest film since The Evil Dead.

Why is that? Performance capture. You get some actors in suits, hook them up to computers and record their motion, slap some CG on it and you get Gollum from Lord of The Rings. A visual aid for you:



You see? The actors motions are captured and you get the CG character on screen. Unfortunately, in The Polar Express, you get zombie eyed kids that look like they're from Malcom In The Middle:



But this was several years ago and now we get Beowulf, using the same techniques. And this time, instead of kids and Christmas, we get swords and monsters.

For those of you who haven't studied the ancient Anglo-Saxon poem that is Beowulf, you've got some vaguely Viking-esque folk livin' it up in their village when a big monster comes along and throws some spanners into the works. Beowulf then shows up to make with the monster killing.

It's undeniable that the film (mostly) looks amazing. The CG world looks amazingly realistic and gives the director Robert Zemeckis freedom to do all manner of freaky camera moves. The characters are a step up from the horrific Express film, the lead characters that is. Beowulf, taking up the majority of the screen time, is especially detailed. Peripheral characters, less so.

The monster, though, is astounding. It's an amazing creation, something that should stand the test of time. He just looks painful, his skin peeled away, organs visible, he looks like a creature in torment so you can understand why he lashes out.

He is also the star of the best sequences in the film.

Problems? The Beowulf/Grendel smackdown is kind of ruined by Beowulf being naked. You end up with a procession of objects preserving his modesty, like in Austin Powers. It kind of makes no sense. And as good as the film looks, it still looks like CG and the characters still look...weird. A Pixar film, in my opinion, will hold up longer than this kind of film. The Pixar film creates it's own world, staying on the right side of cartoony. Beowulf will not age well, you only have to look at Polar Express and the Final Fantasy film to see that realism doesn't last. Toy Story, meanwhile, still looks as good as ever.

I also wanted the film to go further, violence wise. It's a 12A but when Grendel attacks you only see shadows and suggestion. People get ripped in half but it seems to be holding itself back. Like Die Hard 4.0, you get the feeling it was edited to get a lower certificate to get a wider audience.

And there's a ridiculous bit where Beowulf kills a monster and, for no discernible reason, shouts his own name. Looks fun, but silly.

That's the best description for the film really. Silly. Overblown silliness that just about holds it together between the action sequences.

Ninja weapon? Big two handed sword for killing stuff. PHIL!

Doesn't bode well.

The creator of Heroes apologies to fans for the poor start to the second season? Don't like the sound of that. I know it will be some time until I get to see the second series, thanks to my morals stopping me from downloading episodes and violating copyright.

 

By morals, I mean wife.

Still too excited to think of a title!

Full Cloverfield trailer is now on the Apple website, even in hi-def!

So excited!

Back at work.

Just had a week off. Back at work now.

Sucks.

Too excited to think of a decent title!

New Cloverfield trailer!



Annoyingly, the movie it was attached to in the US was Beowulf. What did I see at the cinema tonight? Beowulf. Did I see the trailer? Nope.

UK sucks.

Sonnuvabitch!

So I fire up the Cineworld website to find a time to go see Planet Terror, no mention of the film on the website. I go to the Odeon website, the nearest cinema showing it is Norwich.

Rubbish. Absolute rubbish. Time to buy the American DVD then.

What can I say, I had a lots of bills that week

Glad to see I wasn't the only one.

To be fair, I did buy the special edition of Amnesiac which wasn't cheap. My conscience is clear.

Film review: 30 Days of Night

30 Days of Night @ IMDB

You can tell Halloween has just passed. Horror films are everywhere at the moment which is where Josh Hartnett and a posse of vampires come in.

Mr Harnett is the sheriff of the most Northern town in the US, practically in the arctic. And every year the sun sets and night lasts for 30 days, most of the townsfolk travel south leaving a few hardy people left. Now. What mythical creatures hate the sunlight, like to feast on innocents and look great covered in blood on film posters?

Yep, vampires.

So, at the very least, it's a great set up. The whole mood is foreboding right from the start. Let's get this straight, this is a vampire film where nothing good happens. It starts with a pack of dogs being killed and goes downhill from there. The brutality of the vampires is unflinchingly shown it all it's gory glory. One of the best sequences is an aerial shot of the town showing the vampires tearing through the people; you see people on the floor being ripped to shreds, gunshots going off, blood smeared across the white snow.

So the vampires are great. The survivors hide and begin to try to survive the next 30 days. Maybe this section does sag in what is essentially lots of scenes of people sat around in a loft trying not to make much noise. But you get those stings of violence that keeps the film going and boy does it get bad for these people.

No spoilers but I have to mention a 6 year old vampire girl. And the only way to kill the vampires is to cut their heads of with a freaking axe. Do the math.

Oh, and it's another comic film. First of a trilogy. Haven't read the comic but want to now.

So it was great. No problems with any of the performances, the film never goes with the easy cliches and the ending is punch in the gut.

A word of warning though: this film has the most disturbing end credits, like, ever. Seriously. Worst I've seen since Blair Witch. I saw this with my good friend Ryan and we normally watch the majority of the end credits. We sat there and watched this really unsettling series of twisted images and listened to the bizarre white noise coming from the surround sound.

"Hmm," I said. "These credits are pretty unsettling."

"Yeah, yeah they are," said Ryan. Beat. "Can we go now?"

"Sure," I said and we ran out of there like scared kittens.

Weapon wise, nothing but an axe.

My friend made a film

I know him! The with the coat doing all the speaking! He's a goofball.

Film review: Ratatouille

Ratatouille @ IMDB

It's hard to approach a review for a Pixar film. Everyone knows they're going to be, at the very least, very enjoyable. Kids will love them and they will make a ton of money.

So it goes for their newest film, Ratatouille, the tale of a rat in Paris that wants to be a chef.

Is it a Toy Story 2? No. But that doesn't matter, it's a great kids film. It doesn't resonate like Finding Nemo does but the story is great, the characters interesting. The film looks amazing, yet again. Somehow Pixar manage to find something else to improve with each film: the food looks amazing, photo realistic in some instances.

The main problem? The length. It is very long for a kids film. I took my son to see this film (his first time at the cinema, no less) and I was worried about whether or not he could sit through all 110 minutes.

To the credit of the film, he near enough did. Only started acting up a couple of minutes from the end.

There's the best review of the film. A three year old was entranced and watched 108 minutes of film before acting up.

It seems strange allocating a ninja weapon for a kids film but what the hell, I'll give this one a meat tenderiser.

Finally

It's about goddamn time.

Looks okay

Nice guns. Looks good, apparently it's not that close to the original comic (which had the main character be the son of a super-villain, as opposed to assassins, who had killed all the superheroes in the world) but, hey, I love guns AND car chases AND cars in mid air so will be willing to give it a try.

And check this out, apparently an animatic for a live action He-Man film that never got made. I would have gone to see it, only if they re-cast Dolph Lundgren. He's unfairly put down upon, in my book.

Film review: Black Sheep

Black Sheep @ IMDB

First things first, this is the tagline for the film for it's release in New Zealand:

There are 40 million sheep in New Zealand...and they're pissed off.

That's the level that this film is aiming for, watch it in a double bill with Dog Soldiers and you've got a great night in.

The plot, for those that require it, involves a sheep farm, genetic experiments, flesh eating sheep and buckets of gore. To be honest, trying to review a film like this is a pointless excercise. You're either going to go with it or hate it. If you liked Bad Taste, Braindead, Evil Dead 2 or Shaun of The Dead then you'll love this film. To really enjoy this film you have to be the kind of person that can accept the fact that if you're bitten by one of the flesh eating sheep then you turn into a Were-Sheep.

In fact, the Bad Taste/Braindead thing is a good link as not only do they share New Zealand origins but Weta Workshop did the effects on this film, Weta of course being Peter "Bad Taste" Jackson's effects company. It has the same goofy energy as Bad Taste, the same bad acting, the same plot holes and I love the fact that this film got released.

In conclusion, not for everyone but if you get it you'll like it. The best Ninja weapon for this film is the nearest blunt object you can grab to smash over the head of the next sheep that tries to bite you.

This'll win over the Church people

Apparently, J K Rowling has revealed that Dumbledore from the Harry Potter books is gay. Having read all the book, the thought of that didn't even cross my mind.

Not that I'm being bigoted or anything, just that I didn't think about his sexual preferences. Went straight under my gaydar.

Now, of course, the Internet is going to be flooded by jokes/pictures/clips of Dumbledore encouraging Harry to touch his wand. Or replacing Dumbledore with Freddie Mercury in stills from the film.

It writes itself, really.

That was unexpected

Hmm. Not sure what to think about that. Is Street Fighter still relevant or should it be left in the arcades of 1992? I guess we'll find out next year when the game gets released.

Yay.

So, Wispa is back but I can't goddamn find one. No shop nearby has then in stock. Someone must know where they are.

Help me, Internet. You are my only hope.

I laughed so much I was nearly sick.

Oh, Colin and Ryan. You are a pair of jesters.

*sigh*

There go my dreams of getting a PS3 anytime soon.

Despite the recent price cut Sony have now announced that the 60gb version, the full version, is going to be discontinued in favour of the new 40gb version with no PS2 backwards compatibility.

It's just...but...why would...gah! It makes no sense! Why does Europe get to be screwed over yet again by a major console manufacturer? Not even Nintendo hated Europe enough to actually take stuff out of consoles they had already released. Surely the idea is to expand the consoles during their life not take stuff out.

See, I wanted to get a PS3 then get some old cheap PS2 classics like God Hand, We Love Katamari, Disgea, Okami, cheap good games.

But no. Not anymore. Idiots.

Hail to the king.

Now that is some serious Guitar Heroing.

Not again.

Walked into a goddamn door with the same goddamn toe as before. Bruised again, hurts again. And it annoys me that Planet Terror still has no UK release date despite being released in France, Sweden, Holland, Estonia, Greece and, next week, Germany.

Why do they get machine guns for legs and we don't?

I did stumble across this "international" trailer for the film:



And, even better, apparently Fergie gets killed in it.

Film review: Death Proof

Death Proof @ IMDB

It's pretty much common knowledge that the original vision of this film was as part of the Grindhouse double bill which flopped big time on it's release. This is despite a machine gun for a leg in the trailer. Stupid Americans. So, for the UK release it has been split into two full length films. Without the fake trailers. And no release date for the second part of Grindhouse, the one with the machine gun for a leg, Planet Terror.

Far from ideal.

But, hey, it's a new Tarantino film which can't be a bad thing. So in this love letter to 70s exploitation films we get Kurt Russell as Stuntman Mike, a crazed psychopath who stalks young women before killing them with his eponymous death proof car.

Which is pretty much the entire plot. Stuntman Mike stalks some people, kills them, stalks some more, they fight back, the end. What you get is a lot of talking. A lot of talking. Remember the diner scene in Reservoir Dogs? The whole bit about Like A Virgin being about big dicks? Imagine that for three quarters of an entire film.

This is not necessarily a bad thing. The dialogue fizzes and flies like you'd expect, the characters voices are nailed down and it entertains. Kurt Russell is great, no one drops the ball performance wise.

But there is a lot of talking. There is a nasty car crash that keeps you going but there is a lot of talking.

But here's the thing. Just as I was thinking "gee, this talking is starting to drag a wee bit", Tarantino brings out one of the most stunning chase sequences in cinema. This is not a joke. This is pure, no CG, lady on a bonnet, high speed car mayhem. I didn't blink for ten minutes. Simply outstanding.

So it's well worth seeing as long as you realize and accept that you have to wait. Just be patient. Listen to the dialogue and the talking and just wait. And you will be rewarded.

The only possible ninja weapon this film can get is a car.

Another fine mess Warner Brothers is dragging us into

So. Warner Brothers have announced the director for the upcoming Justice League movie.

Hmm.

Not sure if this is a good idea. If we take Grant Morrison's JLA as the team benchmark that means this film will star Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, The Flash, Aquaman and the Martian Manhunter at least. Now, Supes and Bats are sorted out, everyone knows them. Wonder Woman had a TV Series, as did the Flash, but they were cult at best. The others, apart from the Aquaman thing in Entourage, no one will really know about. So let's say you dump GL and the Manhunter and cite budgetary reasons, that's still 3 major origin stories to tell and two recaps in a 2 hour film.

Have these people not seen Spider-Man 3? It's not going to work. Too much story, too little time. They should take a leaf out of Marvel's book with the potential Avengers movie. They've stated that they'll do individual films for the characters first and then, once audience is aware of the characters, make the Avengers film. That's why you've got Iron Man out next year, a Thor movie in the works and a Captain America movie after that.

It makes sense to me.

All Hell is breaking loose...IN MY PANTS!

A new Commando DVD? Directors Cut?

*cries with happiness*

Proof there is a God

Kanye West beats 50 Cent to the top of the US album charts, invoking 'fiddys' threat to quit music if he is beaten.

Not that I have any great love for Kanye West, I did enjoy Goldigger and his current single, but I do hate 50 Cent. Really offends me. He wasn't shot enough for my liking. So anything that means that I don't have to listen to his "distinctive" vocal skills should be encouraged in my book.

I wish this game was out when I was thinking of names for my son

As names go, that's simply breathtaking.

A nightmareish vision of the future

Affirmative.

Tina Turner was wrong: we DO need another hero.

Just finished watching the first season of Heroes thanks to certain avenues *ahem*. I've got to say, my top 3 is now as follows:

3. Lost
2. 24
1. Heroes.

It is just an awesome show. But the great thing is, here is a gigantic validation of all the time and money and tears I've put into comics. The fact that something can be so influenced by American Superhero comics can be one of the highest rated TV shows in the US is, frankly, almost unbelievable.

How can this happen when comics themselves have been struggling for years in the face of crashes and bankrupcies? My wife lapped up this series, stating it was one of her favourite TV shows ever (ever!) yet won't read any of the comics I recommend for her. Is it just the format?

Taking a hard look at it, Heroes takes a lot of it's story cues from the classic comic book stories. Not that this is a bad thing: for someone like me who knows his way round comic history, it's great to see and recognize these nuggets. Yet for my wife, coming across them for the first time, the strength of the story telling comes through despite the change of medium. I love picking out all these references, like

!SPOILERS!

the episode in the future that homages the Days of Future Past X-Men story, or that Linderman's plan is basically the same as Ozymandias' in Watchmen. You get several characters named after various comic creators, the finale takes place in Kirby Plaza...awesome.

I'm guessing one reason for this reverence of comics is the fact that a major comics creator, Jeph Loeb, is the co-executive producer of the show. So he is quickly becoming one of my heroes, not just for helping to create Heroes but also because he co-wrote Teen Wolf and Commando.

I love Commando. Maybe even more than Heroes.

I may have to sell some organs. How many lungs do you need?

So Apple have introduced a new a new iPod, the iPod touch. That looks nice. Very nice.

Want one. Want one baaad.

Also, Apple went and knocked $200 off the price of the iPhone and then gave all the people pissed off because they paid $599 for it last week a $100 voucher for the apple store.

Someone needs to email Sony: THAT'S how you do a price cut.

The Great-Second Uncle of All Bombs

Direct steal from The Daily Show, I will admit, but the father of all bombs deserves a blog. A direct quote: "All that is alive merely evaporates."



Now that is a bomb.

This is for you, Dutch

As my good friend Ryan as been bugging me to update my blog, I have. And in his honour, here is a song dedicated to him:



Says in song what I feel in my heart. Thinking about you, big guy.

Film review: Knocked Up

Knocked Up @ IMDB

A little late with the review. I like to keep things topical round here.

Never seen The 40 Year Old Virgin so can't comment on that. But this film comes from the same creators as that rather successful film.

Here we have a slack jawed slacker and a high flying career woman meeting in a bar, getting drunk, getting it on, getting pregnant.

This continues the trend of man-rom-coms (sneaking a romantic comedy under the radar by disguising it in the garb of an Animal House style comedy) and does it really well. I laughed, I was touched, I laughed again. Everyone in the cast is great, the characters draw you in, the jokes keep ticking along. Sure, it isn't perfect. You get a few gaps in the story, a few character issues aren't resolved as well as they could have been but it gets the job done.

Funny?

Tick.

Nicely warm hearted?

Tick.

Best Robert De Niro impression ever in the history of ever?

Tick like a mofo.

This film gets a bendy sword to reflect the sharp wit and slack natured heart of the film.