The most disgusting thing ever.
I apologise in advance. If you can make it to the end you're a stronger person than I am. Or you just enjoy the sight of two women, a cup full of pooh and vomit.
Oh god, now I have to go be sick again.
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Film review: Beowulf
Beowulf @ IMDB
So, a while ago I watched The Polar Express for the first time. Scariest film since The Evil Dead.
Why is that? Performance capture. You get some actors in suits, hook them up to computers and record their motion, slap some CG on it and you get Gollum from Lord of The Rings. A visual aid for you:
You see? The actors motions are captured and you get the CG character on screen. Unfortunately, in The Polar Express, you get zombie eyed kids that look like they're from Malcom In The Middle:
But this was several years ago and now we get Beowulf, using the same techniques. And this time, instead of kids and Christmas, we get swords and monsters.
For those of you who haven't studied the ancient Anglo-Saxon poem that is Beowulf, you've got some vaguely Viking-esque folk livin' it up in their village when a big monster comes along and throws some spanners into the works. Beowulf then shows up to make with the monster killing.
It's undeniable that the film (mostly) looks amazing. The CG world looks amazingly realistic and gives the director Robert Zemeckis freedom to do all manner of freaky camera moves. The characters are a step up from the horrific Express film, the lead characters that is. Beowulf, taking up the majority of the screen time, is especially detailed. Peripheral characters, less so.
The monster, though, is astounding. It's an amazing creation, something that should stand the test of time. He just looks painful, his skin peeled away, organs visible, he looks like a creature in torment so you can understand why he lashes out.
He is also the star of the best sequences in the film.
Problems? The Beowulf/Grendel smackdown is kind of ruined by Beowulf being naked. You end up with a procession of objects preserving his modesty, like in Austin Powers. It kind of makes no sense. And as good as the film looks, it still looks like CG and the characters still look...weird. A Pixar film, in my opinion, will hold up longer than this kind of film. The Pixar film creates it's own world, staying on the right side of cartoony. Beowulf will not age well, you only have to look at Polar Express and the Final Fantasy film to see that realism doesn't last. Toy Story, meanwhile, still looks as good as ever.
I also wanted the film to go further, violence wise. It's a 12A but when Grendel attacks you only see shadows and suggestion. People get ripped in half but it seems to be holding itself back. Like Die Hard 4.0, you get the feeling it was edited to get a lower certificate to get a wider audience.
And there's a ridiculous bit where Beowulf kills a monster and, for no discernible reason, shouts his own name. Looks fun, but silly.
That's the best description for the film really. Silly. Overblown silliness that just about holds it together between the action sequences.
Ninja weapon? Big two handed sword for killing stuff. PHIL!
So, a while ago I watched The Polar Express for the first time. Scariest film since The Evil Dead.
Why is that? Performance capture. You get some actors in suits, hook them up to computers and record their motion, slap some CG on it and you get Gollum from Lord of The Rings. A visual aid for you:
You see? The actors motions are captured and you get the CG character on screen. Unfortunately, in The Polar Express, you get zombie eyed kids that look like they're from Malcom In The Middle:
But this was several years ago and now we get Beowulf, using the same techniques. And this time, instead of kids and Christmas, we get swords and monsters.
For those of you who haven't studied the ancient Anglo-Saxon poem that is Beowulf, you've got some vaguely Viking-esque folk livin' it up in their village when a big monster comes along and throws some spanners into the works. Beowulf then shows up to make with the monster killing.
It's undeniable that the film (mostly) looks amazing. The CG world looks amazingly realistic and gives the director Robert Zemeckis freedom to do all manner of freaky camera moves. The characters are a step up from the horrific Express film, the lead characters that is. Beowulf, taking up the majority of the screen time, is especially detailed. Peripheral characters, less so.
The monster, though, is astounding. It's an amazing creation, something that should stand the test of time. He just looks painful, his skin peeled away, organs visible, he looks like a creature in torment so you can understand why he lashes out.
He is also the star of the best sequences in the film.
Problems? The Beowulf/Grendel smackdown is kind of ruined by Beowulf being naked. You end up with a procession of objects preserving his modesty, like in Austin Powers. It kind of makes no sense. And as good as the film looks, it still looks like CG and the characters still look...weird. A Pixar film, in my opinion, will hold up longer than this kind of film. The Pixar film creates it's own world, staying on the right side of cartoony. Beowulf will not age well, you only have to look at Polar Express and the Final Fantasy film to see that realism doesn't last. Toy Story, meanwhile, still looks as good as ever.
I also wanted the film to go further, violence wise. It's a 12A but when Grendel attacks you only see shadows and suggestion. People get ripped in half but it seems to be holding itself back. Like Die Hard 4.0, you get the feeling it was edited to get a lower certificate to get a wider audience.
And there's a ridiculous bit where Beowulf kills a monster and, for no discernible reason, shouts his own name. Looks fun, but silly.
That's the best description for the film really. Silly. Overblown silliness that just about holds it together between the action sequences.
Ninja weapon? Big two handed sword for killing stuff. PHIL!
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Doesn't bode well.
The creator of Heroes apologies to fans for the poor start to the second season? Don't like the sound of that. I know it will be some time until I get to see the second series, thanks to my morals stopping me from downloading episodes and violating copyright.
By morals, I mean wife.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Too excited to think of a decent title!
New Cloverfield trailer!
Annoyingly, the movie it was attached to in the US was Beowulf. What did I see at the cinema tonight? Beowulf. Did I see the trailer? Nope.
UK sucks.
Annoyingly, the movie it was attached to in the US was Beowulf. What did I see at the cinema tonight? Beowulf. Did I see the trailer? Nope.
UK sucks.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Sonnuvabitch!
So I fire up the Cineworld website to find a time to go see Planet Terror, no mention of the film on the website. I go to the Odeon website, the nearest cinema showing it is Norwich.
Rubbish. Absolute rubbish. Time to buy the American DVD then.
Rubbish. Absolute rubbish. Time to buy the American DVD then.
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
What can I say, I had a lots of bills that week
Glad to see I wasn't the only one.
To be fair, I did buy the special edition of Amnesiac which wasn't cheap. My conscience is clear.
To be fair, I did buy the special edition of Amnesiac which wasn't cheap. My conscience is clear.
Monday, November 05, 2007
Film review: 30 Days of Night
30 Days of Night @ IMDB
You can tell Halloween has just passed. Horror films are everywhere at the moment which is where Josh Hartnett and a posse of vampires come in.
Mr Harnett is the sheriff of the most Northern town in the US, practically in the arctic. And every year the sun sets and night lasts for 30 days, most of the townsfolk travel south leaving a few hardy people left. Now. What mythical creatures hate the sunlight, like to feast on innocents and look great covered in blood on film posters?
Yep, vampires.
So, at the very least, it's a great set up. The whole mood is foreboding right from the start. Let's get this straight, this is a vampire film where nothing good happens. It starts with a pack of dogs being killed and goes downhill from there. The brutality of the vampires is unflinchingly shown it all it's gory glory. One of the best sequences is an aerial shot of the town showing the vampires tearing through the people; you see people on the floor being ripped to shreds, gunshots going off, blood smeared across the white snow.
So the vampires are great. The survivors hide and begin to try to survive the next 30 days. Maybe this section does sag in what is essentially lots of scenes of people sat around in a loft trying not to make much noise. But you get those stings of violence that keeps the film going and boy does it get bad for these people.
No spoilers but I have to mention a 6 year old vampire girl. And the only way to kill the vampires is to cut their heads of with a freaking axe. Do the math.
Oh, and it's another comic film. First of a trilogy. Haven't read the comic but want to now.
So it was great. No problems with any of the performances, the film never goes with the easy cliches and the ending is punch in the gut.
A word of warning though: this film has the most disturbing end credits, like, ever. Seriously. Worst I've seen since Blair Witch. I saw this with my good friend Ryan and we normally watch the majority of the end credits. We sat there and watched this really unsettling series of twisted images and listened to the bizarre white noise coming from the surround sound.
"Hmm," I said. "These credits are pretty unsettling."
"Yeah, yeah they are," said Ryan. Beat. "Can we go now?"
"Sure," I said and we ran out of there like scared kittens.
Weapon wise, nothing but an axe.
You can tell Halloween has just passed. Horror films are everywhere at the moment which is where Josh Hartnett and a posse of vampires come in.
Mr Harnett is the sheriff of the most Northern town in the US, practically in the arctic. And every year the sun sets and night lasts for 30 days, most of the townsfolk travel south leaving a few hardy people left. Now. What mythical creatures hate the sunlight, like to feast on innocents and look great covered in blood on film posters?
Yep, vampires.
So, at the very least, it's a great set up. The whole mood is foreboding right from the start. Let's get this straight, this is a vampire film where nothing good happens. It starts with a pack of dogs being killed and goes downhill from there. The brutality of the vampires is unflinchingly shown it all it's gory glory. One of the best sequences is an aerial shot of the town showing the vampires tearing through the people; you see people on the floor being ripped to shreds, gunshots going off, blood smeared across the white snow.
So the vampires are great. The survivors hide and begin to try to survive the next 30 days. Maybe this section does sag in what is essentially lots of scenes of people sat around in a loft trying not to make much noise. But you get those stings of violence that keeps the film going and boy does it get bad for these people.
No spoilers but I have to mention a 6 year old vampire girl. And the only way to kill the vampires is to cut their heads of with a freaking axe. Do the math.
Oh, and it's another comic film. First of a trilogy. Haven't read the comic but want to now.
So it was great. No problems with any of the performances, the film never goes with the easy cliches and the ending is punch in the gut.
A word of warning though: this film has the most disturbing end credits, like, ever. Seriously. Worst I've seen since Blair Witch. I saw this with my good friend Ryan and we normally watch the majority of the end credits. We sat there and watched this really unsettling series of twisted images and listened to the bizarre white noise coming from the surround sound.
"Hmm," I said. "These credits are pretty unsettling."
"Yeah, yeah they are," said Ryan. Beat. "Can we go now?"
"Sure," I said and we ran out of there like scared kittens.
Weapon wise, nothing but an axe.
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Film review: Ratatouille
Ratatouille @ IMDB
It's hard to approach a review for a Pixar film. Everyone knows they're going to be, at the very least, very enjoyable. Kids will love them and they will make a ton of money.
So it goes for their newest film, Ratatouille, the tale of a rat in Paris that wants to be a chef.
Is it a Toy Story 2? No. But that doesn't matter, it's a great kids film. It doesn't resonate like Finding Nemo does but the story is great, the characters interesting. The film looks amazing, yet again. Somehow Pixar manage to find something else to improve with each film: the food looks amazing, photo realistic in some instances.
The main problem? The length. It is very long for a kids film. I took my son to see this film (his first time at the cinema, no less) and I was worried about whether or not he could sit through all 110 minutes.
To the credit of the film, he near enough did. Only started acting up a couple of minutes from the end.
There's the best review of the film. A three year old was entranced and watched 108 minutes of film before acting up.
It seems strange allocating a ninja weapon for a kids film but what the hell, I'll give this one a meat tenderiser.
It's hard to approach a review for a Pixar film. Everyone knows they're going to be, at the very least, very enjoyable. Kids will love them and they will make a ton of money.
So it goes for their newest film, Ratatouille, the tale of a rat in Paris that wants to be a chef.
Is it a Toy Story 2? No. But that doesn't matter, it's a great kids film. It doesn't resonate like Finding Nemo does but the story is great, the characters interesting. The film looks amazing, yet again. Somehow Pixar manage to find something else to improve with each film: the food looks amazing, photo realistic in some instances.
The main problem? The length. It is very long for a kids film. I took my son to see this film (his first time at the cinema, no less) and I was worried about whether or not he could sit through all 110 minutes.
To the credit of the film, he near enough did. Only started acting up a couple of minutes from the end.
There's the best review of the film. A three year old was entranced and watched 108 minutes of film before acting up.
It seems strange allocating a ninja weapon for a kids film but what the hell, I'll give this one a meat tenderiser.
Saturday, November 03, 2007
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Looks okay
Nice guns. Looks good, apparently it's not that close to the original comic (which had the main character be the son of a super-villain, as opposed to assassins, who had killed all the superheroes in the world) but, hey, I love guns AND car chases AND cars in mid air so will be willing to give it a try.
And check this out, apparently an animatic for a live action He-Man film that never got made. I would have gone to see it, only if they re-cast Dolph Lundgren. He's unfairly put down upon, in my book.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Film review: Black Sheep
Black Sheep @ IMDB
First things first, this is the tagline for the film for it's release in New Zealand:
There are 40 million sheep in New Zealand...and they're pissed off.
That's the level that this film is aiming for, watch it in a double bill with Dog Soldiers and you've got a great night in.
The plot, for those that require it, involves a sheep farm, genetic experiments, flesh eating sheep and buckets of gore. To be honest, trying to review a film like this is a pointless excercise. You're either going to go with it or hate it. If you liked Bad Taste, Braindead, Evil Dead 2 or Shaun of The Dead then you'll love this film. To really enjoy this film you have to be the kind of person that can accept the fact that if you're bitten by one of the flesh eating sheep then you turn into a Were-Sheep.
In fact, the Bad Taste/Braindead thing is a good link as not only do they share New Zealand origins but Weta Workshop did the effects on this film, Weta of course being Peter "Bad Taste" Jackson's effects company. It has the same goofy energy as Bad Taste, the same bad acting, the same plot holes and I love the fact that this film got released.
In conclusion, not for everyone but if you get it you'll like it. The best Ninja weapon for this film is the nearest blunt object you can grab to smash over the head of the next sheep that tries to bite you.
First things first, this is the tagline for the film for it's release in New Zealand:
There are 40 million sheep in New Zealand...and they're pissed off.
That's the level that this film is aiming for, watch it in a double bill with Dog Soldiers and you've got a great night in.
The plot, for those that require it, involves a sheep farm, genetic experiments, flesh eating sheep and buckets of gore. To be honest, trying to review a film like this is a pointless excercise. You're either going to go with it or hate it. If you liked Bad Taste, Braindead, Evil Dead 2 or Shaun of The Dead then you'll love this film. To really enjoy this film you have to be the kind of person that can accept the fact that if you're bitten by one of the flesh eating sheep then you turn into a Were-Sheep.
In fact, the Bad Taste/Braindead thing is a good link as not only do they share New Zealand origins but Weta Workshop did the effects on this film, Weta of course being Peter "Bad Taste" Jackson's effects company. It has the same goofy energy as Bad Taste, the same bad acting, the same plot holes and I love the fact that this film got released.
In conclusion, not for everyone but if you get it you'll like it. The best Ninja weapon for this film is the nearest blunt object you can grab to smash over the head of the next sheep that tries to bite you.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
This'll win over the Church people
Apparently, J K Rowling has revealed that Dumbledore from the Harry Potter books is gay. Having read all the book, the thought of that didn't even cross my mind.
Not that I'm being bigoted or anything, just that I didn't think about his sexual preferences. Went straight under my gaydar.
Now, of course, the Internet is going to be flooded by jokes/pictures/clips of Dumbledore encouraging Harry to touch his wand. Or replacing Dumbledore with Freddie Mercury in stills from the film.
It writes itself, really.
Not that I'm being bigoted or anything, just that I didn't think about his sexual preferences. Went straight under my gaydar.
Now, of course, the Internet is going to be flooded by jokes/pictures/clips of Dumbledore encouraging Harry to touch his wand. Or replacing Dumbledore with Freddie Mercury in stills from the film.
It writes itself, really.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
That was unexpected
Hmm. Not sure what to think about that. Is Street Fighter still relevant or should it be left in the arcades of 1992? I guess we'll find out next year when the game gets released.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Monday, October 08, 2007
*sigh*
There go my dreams of getting a PS3 anytime soon.
Despite the recent price cut Sony have now announced that the 60gb version, the full version, is going to be discontinued in favour of the new 40gb version with no PS2 backwards compatibility.
It's just...but...why would...gah! It makes no sense! Why does Europe get to be screwed over yet again by a major console manufacturer? Not even Nintendo hated Europe enough to actually take stuff out of consoles they had already released. Surely the idea is to expand the consoles during their life not take stuff out.
See, I wanted to get a PS3 then get some old cheap PS2 classics like God Hand, We Love Katamari, Disgea, Okami, cheap good games.
But no. Not anymore. Idiots.
Despite the recent price cut Sony have now announced that the 60gb version, the full version, is going to be discontinued in favour of the new 40gb version with no PS2 backwards compatibility.
It's just...but...why would...gah! It makes no sense! Why does Europe get to be screwed over yet again by a major console manufacturer? Not even Nintendo hated Europe enough to actually take stuff out of consoles they had already released. Surely the idea is to expand the consoles during their life not take stuff out.
See, I wanted to get a PS3 then get some old cheap PS2 classics like God Hand, We Love Katamari, Disgea, Okami, cheap good games.
But no. Not anymore. Idiots.
Monday, October 01, 2007
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
PS3 ID
