Not again.

Walked into a goddamn door with the same goddamn toe as before. Bruised again, hurts again. And it annoys me that Planet Terror still has no UK release date despite being released in France, Sweden, Holland, Estonia, Greece and, next week, Germany.

Why do they get machine guns for legs and we don't?

I did stumble across this "international" trailer for the film:



And, even better, apparently Fergie gets killed in it.

Film review: Death Proof

Death Proof @ IMDB

It's pretty much common knowledge that the original vision of this film was as part of the Grindhouse double bill which flopped big time on it's release. This is despite a machine gun for a leg in the trailer. Stupid Americans. So, for the UK release it has been split into two full length films. Without the fake trailers. And no release date for the second part of Grindhouse, the one with the machine gun for a leg, Planet Terror.

Far from ideal.

But, hey, it's a new Tarantino film which can't be a bad thing. So in this love letter to 70s exploitation films we get Kurt Russell as Stuntman Mike, a crazed psychopath who stalks young women before killing them with his eponymous death proof car.

Which is pretty much the entire plot. Stuntman Mike stalks some people, kills them, stalks some more, they fight back, the end. What you get is a lot of talking. A lot of talking. Remember the diner scene in Reservoir Dogs? The whole bit about Like A Virgin being about big dicks? Imagine that for three quarters of an entire film.

This is not necessarily a bad thing. The dialogue fizzes and flies like you'd expect, the characters voices are nailed down and it entertains. Kurt Russell is great, no one drops the ball performance wise.

But there is a lot of talking. There is a nasty car crash that keeps you going but there is a lot of talking.

But here's the thing. Just as I was thinking "gee, this talking is starting to drag a wee bit", Tarantino brings out one of the most stunning chase sequences in cinema. This is not a joke. This is pure, no CG, lady on a bonnet, high speed car mayhem. I didn't blink for ten minutes. Simply outstanding.

So it's well worth seeing as long as you realize and accept that you have to wait. Just be patient. Listen to the dialogue and the talking and just wait. And you will be rewarded.

The only possible ninja weapon this film can get is a car.

Another fine mess Warner Brothers is dragging us into

So. Warner Brothers have announced the director for the upcoming Justice League movie.

Hmm.

Not sure if this is a good idea. If we take Grant Morrison's JLA as the team benchmark that means this film will star Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, The Flash, Aquaman and the Martian Manhunter at least. Now, Supes and Bats are sorted out, everyone knows them. Wonder Woman had a TV Series, as did the Flash, but they were cult at best. The others, apart from the Aquaman thing in Entourage, no one will really know about. So let's say you dump GL and the Manhunter and cite budgetary reasons, that's still 3 major origin stories to tell and two recaps in a 2 hour film.

Have these people not seen Spider-Man 3? It's not going to work. Too much story, too little time. They should take a leaf out of Marvel's book with the potential Avengers movie. They've stated that they'll do individual films for the characters first and then, once audience is aware of the characters, make the Avengers film. That's why you've got Iron Man out next year, a Thor movie in the works and a Captain America movie after that.

It makes sense to me.

All Hell is breaking loose...IN MY PANTS!

A new Commando DVD? Directors Cut?

*cries with happiness*

Proof there is a God

Kanye West beats 50 Cent to the top of the US album charts, invoking 'fiddys' threat to quit music if he is beaten.

Not that I have any great love for Kanye West, I did enjoy Goldigger and his current single, but I do hate 50 Cent. Really offends me. He wasn't shot enough for my liking. So anything that means that I don't have to listen to his "distinctive" vocal skills should be encouraged in my book.

I wish this game was out when I was thinking of names for my son

As names go, that's simply breathtaking.

A nightmareish vision of the future

Affirmative.

Tina Turner was wrong: we DO need another hero.

Just finished watching the first season of Heroes thanks to certain avenues *ahem*. I've got to say, my top 3 is now as follows:

3. Lost
2. 24
1. Heroes.

It is just an awesome show. But the great thing is, here is a gigantic validation of all the time and money and tears I've put into comics. The fact that something can be so influenced by American Superhero comics can be one of the highest rated TV shows in the US is, frankly, almost unbelievable.

How can this happen when comics themselves have been struggling for years in the face of crashes and bankrupcies? My wife lapped up this series, stating it was one of her favourite TV shows ever (ever!) yet won't read any of the comics I recommend for her. Is it just the format?

Taking a hard look at it, Heroes takes a lot of it's story cues from the classic comic book stories. Not that this is a bad thing: for someone like me who knows his way round comic history, it's great to see and recognize these nuggets. Yet for my wife, coming across them for the first time, the strength of the story telling comes through despite the change of medium. I love picking out all these references, like

!SPOILERS!

the episode in the future that homages the Days of Future Past X-Men story, or that Linderman's plan is basically the same as Ozymandias' in Watchmen. You get several characters named after various comic creators, the finale takes place in Kirby Plaza...awesome.

I'm guessing one reason for this reverence of comics is the fact that a major comics creator, Jeph Loeb, is the co-executive producer of the show. So he is quickly becoming one of my heroes, not just for helping to create Heroes but also because he co-wrote Teen Wolf and Commando.

I love Commando. Maybe even more than Heroes.

I may have to sell some organs. How many lungs do you need?

So Apple have introduced a new a new iPod, the iPod touch. That looks nice. Very nice.

Want one. Want one baaad.

Also, Apple went and knocked $200 off the price of the iPhone and then gave all the people pissed off because they paid $599 for it last week a $100 voucher for the apple store.

Someone needs to email Sony: THAT'S how you do a price cut.

The Great-Second Uncle of All Bombs

Direct steal from The Daily Show, I will admit, but the father of all bombs deserves a blog. A direct quote: "All that is alive merely evaporates."



Now that is a bomb.

This is for you, Dutch

As my good friend Ryan as been bugging me to update my blog, I have. And in his honour, here is a song dedicated to him:



Says in song what I feel in my heart. Thinking about you, big guy.

Film review: Knocked Up

Knocked Up @ IMDB

A little late with the review. I like to keep things topical round here.

Never seen The 40 Year Old Virgin so can't comment on that. But this film comes from the same creators as that rather successful film.

Here we have a slack jawed slacker and a high flying career woman meeting in a bar, getting drunk, getting it on, getting pregnant.

This continues the trend of man-rom-coms (sneaking a romantic comedy under the radar by disguising it in the garb of an Animal House style comedy) and does it really well. I laughed, I was touched, I laughed again. Everyone in the cast is great, the characters draw you in, the jokes keep ticking along. Sure, it isn't perfect. You get a few gaps in the story, a few character issues aren't resolved as well as they could have been but it gets the job done.

Funny?

Tick.

Nicely warm hearted?

Tick.

Best Robert De Niro impression ever in the history of ever?

Tick like a mofo.

This film gets a bendy sword to reflect the sharp wit and slack natured heart of the film.

Strangely compelling

Ookay. Them Chemical Brothers be getting weird.

Thank you, Scott

Thank you baked potato.

Damn straight 2: Damn straightier

Which 24 Character Are You?
	You are Jack Bauer. You are an aggressive and heroic figure. You think rules are only for kids, and try to break them at least once everyday (or hour). You like to get help from others especially your best friends. To complete a task, you are willing to do whatever it takes - be it the right way or the wrong one. Also, you could totally kick Chuck Norris' ass.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

I KNEW IT!

Damn straight.

Which Heroes Character Are You?
	You are Hiro. You are everyones favorite Japanese tourist. Your time is well-managed and you make sure things get done. On top of that, the girls always want a second chance with you.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

I always knew, deep down, that I was born to be a Japanese nerd.

Maybe we'll win this time

Bill Bailey previews his entry into next year's Eurovision:



This isn't a joke, by the way so is very awesome.

Hopefully that will get his excellent TV series released on DVD.

Dammit!

Again the BBC teases me. See this story on their website, the headline when it appeared in my morning news alert was "Monster attack steals user data". I naturally thought this was an actual monster attack not an attack on the Monster job website.

Dammit.

Film review: The Bourne Ultimatum

The Bourne Ultimatum @ IMDB

The review begins, as ever, with a tale.

My good friend Ryan called and asked if we'd like to go catch the new Bourne film. I said, hey, I love Jason Bourne films. He killed a guy with a magazine and a toaster. What's not to love about that?

So he said it's on at 6, he checked teletext, I said cool, it's a date. So he picked me up from my work place, we drove down to the cinema, looked at some Transformers*, strolled across to Burger King, grabbed a burger and chewed the fat both figuratively and literally.

Then I get a phone call. My other good friend, Meat, is joining us and since it's nearly 6 he's already at the cinema.

And there's no 6 o'clock showing of Bourne. The conversation pretty much went like this:

"Really?"

"Yeah, there's nothing on the screens for six. Eight thirty, yeah. Six no."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"It's nearly six so it might have dropped off the screens."

"I asked. No six."

"What's going on?" Ryan pipes up.

"There's no showing at six, idiot."

"Are you sure?"

Etc etc. So we walk up to the cinema and, waddyaknow, there is no showing at six. Ryan swears that there was, it said so on teletext but the evidence is against him. So we go back to his house, check teletext and do you know what?

It did say there was a showing at six. Teletext lied!

But this is a film review.

My first piece of advice: Do not sit in the front row if you suffer from motion sickness. The film is in a great documentary-style which is shorthand for the camera shakes all over the place. Now, I don't suffer from motion sickness and within half an hour I thought I was going to puke in Ryan's lap.

Now that the safety message is over with, on with the review.

Bourne is still on the run and looking for information about his past. That's pretty much it. Yes, there is a lot of CIA shenanigans going on but that's the thrust of the story.

Basically, everything that was great about the previous films is here and still great . Matt Damon's performance: great. Supporting cast: great. Action: superb.

It's all great. The main strength of the Bourne films is the tension that gets cranked up straight from the off. There is a great scene in a train station that is unbearable. And when the action kicks in, it's a great release to see this visceral, in your face, brutal action.

Highly recommended.

Bourne gets a stick, a really brutal stick that Bourne could use to pummel you senseless in, like, 2 seconds before you could even see him.



*Ryan's eye was caught by a Commerative Edition of Soundwave which he was going to buy. Until he saw it was £25 which was too rich for his blood. He wouldn't admit it, but he shed a tear over that.

The Bourne Wikipedia

Saw the new Bourne film last night which is a tale to tell and the full review will follow when I get home later on. But my BBC Daily News email had a related interesting little story, a new web tool that can show changes make to Wikipedia pages by the CIA and other organisations.

Moving past the issue of surely they have better things to do with their time like ensuring world peace, it would be interesting to see what pages they edit. If it's mainly altering arcane bit of Star Trek cannon they we have an issue that needs raising.