Film review: Spider-Man 3

Spider-Man 3 @ IMDB

I begin this review with a tale.

My friend Lawrence, his friend Bob and my idiot sidekick Ryan* went to the cinema yesterday to see the new Spidey film. Lawrence drove us to Cheltenham and it was very entertaining for three reasons:

1) Driving up one road on the way to Ryan's house we were behind a Jaguar which stopped quite suddenly, the door flying open as the driver got out. We had to swerve and as we past we heard the driver say "BITCH!" which was, frankly, uncalled for. But then, not five minutes later after picking up Ryan we drive down another road where in front of us is parked THE SAME JAG and the driver opens the door IN FRONT OF US AGAIN. Freaky.

2) Now, this was the day after Lawrence's birthday and he had been given a brand spanking new satnav for his car. So he programs the route to the cinema into it and off we go. We get to a roundabout, the satnav says to go straight over. He takes the first exit which puts us on the M5 heading for Bristol. Queue several frantic trips up and down several junctions before we get the car heading in the right direction again.

3) So we get to Cheltenham, park up in the car park next to the cinema, go in, buy our tickets, go upstairs, Ryan goes the the toilet, I go to buy a drink but as they're charging £1.90 for a bottle of water I decide to just absorb moisture through the air, Ryan comes back, decides to get a hot dog, comes back, Lawrence decides to get a hot dog, we start to go over to the guy to take our ticket so we can go sit down when Lawrence stops.

"Wait," he says."

"What?" the rest of us say.

"Can you remember what I did with my satnav?"

"No," one of us says. "Why?"

Lawrence pauses for a moment. "I think I left it on the roof of my car."

He thrusts his hot dog into my hand and runs off.

There follows several moments of disbelief, outrage, more disbelief, belly laughs and mocking until we go outside so Ryan can have a fag. I meanwhile call my dear wife to tell her the happy news. In the distance comes Lawrence. He walks up to us.

"Where was it?"

"On the roof of the car," he says.

More laughter follows, followed by shocked amazement that it was still there followed by mericless taunting for the rest of the day.

And this incident, which will keep me laughing through till Christmas, almost overshadowed the film.

Being brutally honest, some of my fears about this film have come true. There are too many villains, the film gets itself tangled up trying to explain everything in a convoluted plot which includes the following:

- Spidey vrs The New Goblin
- Spidey vrs The Sandman
- Spidey vrs Venom
- Spidey & MJ's relationship troubles
- Spidey's battle with his darkside
- Spidey in a love triangle
- 4 new characters, 2 origin stories and several coincidences that nearly tear the film down.

That last one gets a bit much. Someone happens to be here when this happens, just when this happens someone turns up. Does get a bit lazy. There's a few scenes as well that you just wish the creators would clarify a bit better.

A good example, and not a spoiler as it's in the trailer, is when Spidey removes the evil costume. It just basically starts with him trying to tear it off. What it needed was Spidey trying to take a glove or something off and it reattaching itself and building up like that. In the film it's like BANG! straight into the screaming and the tearing and you question why the character isn't questioning it. It's like the character in the film knows that the suit does this but we the audience haven't been shown before, which causes confusion and takes you out of the film for a moment. It did for me, at least.

And the Live News Report schtick that frames the final battle in the film is just ridiculous.

The main problem is this: Spider-Man 2 was one of the best comic films ever made. Also one of the best sequels. And it's in trying to top this that the film overstretches itself.

But it's not all bad: the action is amazing (although nothing beats the train fight from Spidey 2) with some top effects. The Sandman looks amazing and when he first forms is the perfect marriage of character and CG. Bruce Campbell's cameo. The much maligned Spidey/John Travolta scene I loved. It does have a precedence if you remember the sequence in Spidey 2 when he gives up being Spidey. The New Goblin is a great character in the film.

So it's a good film that is only tripped up by it's own ambition.

The best way I can get across my feelings about the film is this; you have the climax and I was wowed by the effects, pulled into the ride and grinning like an idiot. Then it ends and there's a scene with Spidey and Sandman, And I blinked and thought "You know, I probably would have given up a few CG scenes for this because Thomas Hayden Church as Sandman is fantastic and deserves room to breathe.

"Like Doc Ock in Spidey 2."



* Yeah, I'm probably going to pay for that. But I'm talking about someone who cries every time at the end of Armageddon so I don't feel that bad.